“My Eyes Are Now Opened” by Female 27

My life started with much confusion and trauma

I didn’t ask to be the lead in this dark twisted drama

I felt like a princess in my own right arriving

Back home I knew something wasn’t quite right

It started off at eight

I watched my parents quickly disintegrate

I sat content in class not wanting to go home

A house full of people I felt so alone

I was invisible most of the time feeling sad and

Down while my mum caressed a bottle of wine

Screaming shouting and hearing the door shut

Walking down the stairs my mum had been punched in the gut

Creeping down the stairs peeking and asking

Are you okay? Sorrow In her eyes as she brushed me away

I turned ten a milestone in my life no balloons

Bunting cake this was my life

I prayed for forgiveness I was a liar and god forgave me why was my life so dire

I loved my mum the reality did she love me

I always knew the truth she was in love

With a bottle of whisky

I heard many excuses she had a bad day

I always forgave her as bruises showed on my face

I turned to my dada begged him to take me now

Then realisation hit my mum was my responsibility now

I turned twelve almost a teen counting

Down the days till I turned sixteen

Hatred and anger filled my black heart

Revenge was on my mind as me and mum

Drifted apart

Arguments erupted I gave her a torrent

Of abuse it’s my house now I rule the roost!

I took advantage of her illness, clever in my way

Bribing her with a bottle of vodka so I got my own way

Are you ready for the rematch?

We sat battered and blue

The wounds never hurt only my ego was bruised

I was proud of what I’ve become

I finally got even with my mum

But at time went by

My biggest challenge was about to arrive

Finally my sixteenth birthday arrived bags packs and

Van arrived I was away to live on my own

Time to put my childhood behind

I fought everyday

Struggled to find love

Struggling to come to terms

What monster have I become?

Brushing my teeth looking in the mirror I would

Punch it, smash it

Smile weakly saying I’m a winner

I would look at my partner as he would sleep

Looking so happy, relaxed

I would cry myself to sleep

Everything got too much

I couldn’t even handle his touch

A hig , a kiss, I smile

I broke it off so I could be on my own for a while

Finally at nineteen years old everything

Got out of control my violence spread

Like wildfire

I wouldn’t be content until someone was dead

I had everything I wanted except that inner peace

I hated myself

I knew the next thing I would be deceased

I would have flashbacks of my life

I wanted to be a mum

Even with this in mind I still hated my mum

I only went on my phone for a fight or a deal

But then my phone rang and this time for the first time I felt love

And it was real

I arrived at hospital and there was my mum

So vulnerable and scared, I couldn’t believe this was my mum

I spoke to the doctor he explained that she only had five years to live

I broke down empty for the first time in years I wanted her to live

I sat by her side and prayed and sung

Here is the woman who brought me into life and her time has come

Finally I was twenty two life caught up with me

In and out of jail

The reality was this was me

I finally cracked when my friend spoke ill of my mum

The argument was over I struck him

Over the head till he was nearly dead

I noticed time after time her weight dropping off her she was in decline

Assuring me she was fine

I looked deep into her eyes and soul

She knew it was nearly time

She hung on every single day begging

For forgiveness unknown to her